One weekend I got fed up. Basically I took a hammer and a power drill to the door and rid it of every single extraneous piece of hardware.
This ginormous thing came out:
(But, you know, after like 2 hours worth of banging and prying.) Then I put on new hardware, filled the holes and sanded them down, and taped for painting.
Voila!
One knob, one deadbolt. Both of which function perfectly. Finally we don't have to say, "Oh, let me get that door for you, the handle is kind of tricky," every time someone visits. It's like we're adults or something.
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